


Silent Frustration

by GeekingOutDaily



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Communication, F/M, Shyness, peter being understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-13 11:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21493468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekingOutDaily/pseuds/GeekingOutDaily
Summary: Lara Jean would definitely like to take things up a notch, but is too embarrassed to ask for it outright. What ensues is both confusing and misleading for Peter
Relationships: Peter Kavinsky & Lara Jean Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey
Comments: 8
Kudos: 174





	1. Chapter 1

The problem wasn’t that I didn’t like kissing Peter. In fact, the problem was that I liked it a little too much. The problem was, that while making out in his Jeep after dates and holding hands in the hall was nice, that’s all it was. Nice. And I had begun to yearn for something a little more exciting than niceness. Who would’ve thunk? Sweet, nice, Lara Jean looking to kick things up a notch?  
Honestly, Chris knew. She was always poking fun at me for reading so many romance novels, or as she liked to call them - bodice rippers. There was some truth in her mocking. Reading all that steamy material definitely took my mind to certain places that it probably wouldn’t have gone without the triggers of the descriptive, raunchy, sex scenes interlaced within my bookshelf.  
I hadn’t imagined that it would ever be a problem. The way they were described in my books, men were always a mere lust filled glance away from releasing their animalistic desires. I guess both literally and metaphorically, Peter and I just weren’t on the same page. Other than the Hot Tub Incident, he had been a perfect gentleman. A real Mensch. And that precisely was my problem.  
You’d assume, male teenager, he must be absolutely bursting with hormones. It was beginning to look like I’d managed to find the only one out there with utmost self-control, or maybe simply a complete lack of a sex drive. Either way, this was starting to cross the border from confusing to frustrating. And no, my lack of exploits was not due to my own inaction. I had tried just about everything, from wearing my tightest shirts to my shortest skirts, to the extent that one morning I had to sneak past Daddy just to make sure he wouldn’t catch me leaving the house with so much leg out in the open. I had tried bending over to pick up a pen, that I had purposely dropped a moment earlier of course. I had tried leading questions, such as “what are things you’d like to try?” and “what are your favorite activities that we do together?”. To both he answered something about antique shopping or hiking. I admit I didn’t really listen to the entire thing. Chris was no help at all. Her suggestions involved either ambushing him in my underwear, or basically attacking him while studying on his bed. She didn’t understand that I lacked a certain component of courage that was necessary for such displays.  
After rereading one of my favorite scenes one night, I decided that I had to do something about the situation. Going to sleep every night frustrated both emotionally and sexually simply wouldn’t do. I shot Peter a preemptive text - ‘Got any tests tomorrow morning?’, and after receiving confirmation that indeed his morning was clear, I began scheming.  
The next morning I made sure Kitty didn’t need a ride, relieved that she was happy to take the bus just this once, or in her words - “Start the morning surrounded by all my besties and the hottest gossip”. That girl sure was popular.  
Next, I wore the perfume that came in the purple box - the one that Peter had shown appreciation for the other week. I had made sure to wear my favorite vintage boots and skirt, the ones that made me feel unstoppable. Pulling my hair into my favorite scrunchie, I started the self pep talk.  
‘You can do this.’ I told myself, letting out a breath. Nothing scary about fooling around with your boyfriend for the first time. Plenty of teens do it, I reminded myself. I tried not to let my mind wander to all the different versions of rejection I might meet. I couldn’t let myself get psyched out at the last moment.  
I heard a honk from downstairs, and felt my heart beat faster realising this was it. Showtime. I grabbed my backpack on my way down, yelling to Dad that I’d be home at the regular time as I closed the front door behind me. My eyes widened as I spotted Peter checking his reflection in the rearview mirror, unaware I was already outside.  
I entered the car, gave him the usual peck on the cheek before he pulled out of the driveway.  
“No Kitty today?” He sounded surprised.  
“Nope. She wanted to take the bus today.” I explained breathlessly. “Something about boy drama that only she can mediate.” He nodded in understanding, aware of Kitty’s social status at school.  
We drove another minute in silence, my nerves a wreck, before I remembered The Plan.  
“Hey, can you turn off this next exit?” I requested.  
“Uh, sure. There some food place you planning on hitting on the way today?” He asked nonchalantly.  
“You’ll see.” I replied noncommittally.  
“Okay Miss Mystery.” He smiled at me quizzically, looking at the sides of the road to see where I could be taking him.  
“Turn left here.” I supplied.  
He made the turn, pulling over in the clearing we had reached. He turned to me confused, and a little suspicious. “Are you sure this is where you meant to go? We’re in the middle of, literally, nowhere.”  
“That’s the point.” I answered. “I thought it would be nice to… Spend some time together.”  
“As in… Go on a hike? Because I don’t have any gear or anything here.” He was starting to look confused.  
“Nope, just… Enjoy each other’s company. Maybe like this.” I demonstrated, leaning over to kiss him. After a moment he pulled back grinning.  
“Alright Covey, I gotcha. Ditching first period for some quality time with my girl is definitely something I’m down with.” He had no idea what he was truly getting himself into.  
As we kissed, I put my hand over his, where it rested on my neck. I pulled his hand slowly further down, praying that I wouldn’t chicken out before we got anywhere. We got as far as his hand resting at the top of my bra line, before he abruptly pulled away.  
“Whoa whoa whoa, Covey, you sure? We usually don’t…” He gestured to the vague direction of my chest, making sure not to accidentally touch anywhere I was purposely leading him towards.  
“Well that’s just the problem!” I exploded.  
“Um, what?” His brow furrowed at his confusion. “The problem is that we don’t…?” He gestured again, repeating the gist of his movements earlier.  
“Yes!” I exclaimed, huffing. I could feel my face burn, my cheeks probably resembling a pair of tomatoes. This was exactly the conversation I was intent on avoiding.  
“And it’s a problem because…?” He trailed off at the end, waiting for me to supply him with the explanation.  
“Because I’m sick of doing nothing! All we do is kiss, and then say goodnight, and then you drive off like that was enough.” I couldn’t meet his stare. I could practically hear the gears in his head grinding at full speed.  
“And that’s not enough.” He phrased it somewhere between a question and a statement. I could feel him staring at me, waiting for me to elaborate.  
“No,” I said softly, “It’s not.”  
“Well then, spill, Covey. What else would you like?” His gaze was softer now, his voice lowered. A beat of silence passed before I could gather the courage to speak.  
“Well… More, touching? I guess? I don’t know Peter you’re the one who’s done this all before.” I let out a huff of annoyance and embarrassment.  
“Hey, look at me.” He waited until our eyes locked before continuing. “Where should I be touching?” After another moment of silence he softly touched my shoulder. “Here?”.  
I nodded, blurting out, “Lower, too.”  
Maintaining eye contact, he lowered his hand to my collarbone.  
“Here?”  
He didn’t stop there, letting his palm drift to my chest, moving his other hand to my waist.  
“Here?” I nodded. He continued drifting lower, until his right hand was cupping my breast, his left holding my waist more firmly than before.  
“Here?” He repeated quietly. My breath hitched as I nodded again.  
“You’re something else Covey” he whispered, leaning in to kiss me.  
This was definitely an outcome I had been hoping for. I sighed into the kiss, enjoying the feeling of his hands gently massaging my chest and gripping my waist while he kissed me.  
This time when we pulled back he seemed unfocused. “Wow.” He breathed out.  
“That was definitely something else.”


	2. Chapter 2

The next time included a little less talking. Peter had invited her over for a study date. While he seemed to be genuinely interested in studying, mentioning more that once that Lara Jean was brilliant at literature analysis and that he himself couldn't make any sense of the poem they'd be sure to be quizzed on, let alone provide any sort of new insight and come off as smart, Lara Jean was far more interested in the "date" part. She hoped to make physical progress while alone in his room, perhaps cross some invisible boundaries.  
The study-date started off rather innocently, much to Lara Jean's chagrin. She had hoped that her nervous energy would convert to something else - a tension that would demand attention and action.  
Instead, Lara Jean found herself with her English Lit notebook open, highlighter in hand, explaining to Peter the main themes, using specific examples and correcting Peter's misuse of literary terms.  
"I still don't understand how an allegory is different from parallels," he complained, "they're both supposed to convey a message, the same way. I seriously can't see the difference."  
Lara Jean was beginning to feel frustrated. This was a far cry from her original plans - or rather, her original schemes. Explaining the difference for the umpteenth time, she found herself past frustration, on the brink of exasperation.  
A change of tactics was needed, she was sure of that.  
Once they paused for a snack break - a vital part of any experience with Peter - Lara Jean set into motion her (new and revised) plan.  
First, as soon as they returned to his room, she carefully removed all the papers and supplies from Peter's bed. In place of the books, Lara Jean flopped onto the bed, beckoning with a crook of a finger that Peter join her. Peter shot LJ a weird look, nonetheless joining her, positioning himself next to her, on his side. This was Phase 1.  
"I can't take another minute of studying," Lara Jean complained, "can't we do anything more... interesting?" She bat her eyelashes innocently, looking at Peter and biting her lip.  
"You're a dangerous girl, Lara Jean" he chuckled.  
Now was the time for Phase 2. Lara Jean happily leaned in to the kiss, inching closer to Peter, intent clear in her movements. Peter pulled back momentarily, opening his eyes to Lara Jean pressed up close to him, her eyes wild, searching his.  
"What do you want Covey?" He whispered. Here eyes widened.  
"Nothing. I wasn't... I wasn't doing anything." She stuttered.  
Peter smirked, regarding her suspiciously. "Okay then." He leaned in once again, resuming their previous activity.  
Now was the time. Phase 2 was about to culminate, at this moment.  
Lara Jean hooked her leg on Peter's hip, drawing him close, rolling them slightly. Phase 2 was complete. Peter found himself underneath a panting Lara Jean, his shoulders being used for support. Lara Jean guided his hands to her hips, before lightly grinding on him, worried that she might be applying too much pressure. Peter groaned quietly into the kiss, clutching LJ's thighs. She tried it again, this time a little harder.  
Peter flipped them so that she was on her back, hovering over her face, looking into her eyes.  
"So this was what you wanted all along, yeah?"  
Lara Jean bit her lip, stuck out her chin defiantly.  
"Maybe." She challenged him.  
"Well if that's what you really want...." He trailed off with a glint in his eye. Descending upon her, he kissed her neck and ground on her, much firmer than she had dared attempt. He raised her shirt slightly, resting his left hand on the skin of her waist. "You like this?" He whispered into her ear. Lara Jean nodded.  
Peter tugged her shirt upwards, grunting a syllable sounding like a command - "off". She raised the offending article over her head, demanding fairness.  
"Then yours has to come off too."  
Peter wordlessly took his shirt off, allowing Lara Jean the delicious image of his abs, before delving back into her mouth. She could get used to this.  
He continued rutting against her, letting his hands wander to her chest, appreciating her breasts thoroughly and fully.  
Lara Jean's fingers kept flitting to his waistband, stroking the skin above his jeans, lacking the courage to dive deeper.  
They righted themselves and got ready to leave as they neared her curfew, leaving Lara Jean with a taste for more.  
Till next time.


	3. Chapter 3

Lara Jean wouldn’t necessarily describe herself as adventurous, in fact, she rather liked her safe spaces - baking, kissing Peter, her romance novels. However, it could definitely be argued that Lara Jean was rather curious. Her romance novels (or softcore porn, as Chris liked to tease) were full of adventures and new experiences, some of which she was fully content to read about, and never introduce into her real life. Others, though, she continued to think about beyond the pages of her books.  
Peter had been doing much more thinking himself, as well. Lara Jean’s newfound sense of urgency whenever they made out definitely left him in a… tight place. A sticky situation, one might say. His friends were not of great help. The guys on the lacrosse team would gleefully remind Peter that cold showers could only get you so far. Peter didn’t deem it necessary to inform them that in fact he was getting some, just not as much as they meant. He worried that Lara Jean would hear them. The last thing he needed was for her to feel pressured to act a certain way, to perform certain acts because that’s what girlfriends do.  
So he made sure not to push any further than she initiated. This was exactly Lara Jean’s main problem.  
How was she, shy and quiet Lara Jean, supposed to initiate any further when she couldn’t figure out what Peter wanted? He seemed perfectly content with what they were doing, which threw her off. Weren’t teenage boys supposed to think about "it" all the time? Sometimes she felt like something was wrong with her, that she thought about all the things she and Peter weren’t doing more often than things they were.  
First she tried the sneaky way - hinting, wearing the same revealing clothing that hadn't worked the first time around, trying to slyly incorporate innuendos that more times than not fell flat, dramatically moaning and sighing whenever they rolled around in bed - but so far, underwear stayed on. Hands stayed in safe areas. Kisses were reserved for her lips and neck, at most.  
Liquid courage wasn’t really an option, but Lara Jean found other ways to work up the nerve to take a new step. A new plan was put in motion. She was practically turning into Kitty with all the devious planning.  
Stage 1 - Laying The Groundwork. Lara Jean was a little more chaste in her good morning kisses in the days leading up to the Execution, but a little more risque in other ways - pressing up against his crotch when he stood behind her at her locker, touching his chest when she laughed, hoping to leave him with a taste for more. She invited him to hang out at her house after school on Wednesday.  
Stage 2 - Controlled Circumstances. The Covey household was nice and empty come Wednesday afternoon. Lara Jean had made sure that Kitty had plans, and that her Dad was working late that day. With Margot at school in Scotland, the house was void of any interruptions to her scheme. Lara Jean had made sure to wear her more provocative underwear beneath her miniskirt, a lacy set that left bare much more than it covered. This would definitely stir something in Peter.  
Stage 3 - Unsuspecting Recieval. Lara Jean started out rather innocently - making out with Peter on her bed, keeping her hands to herself.  
Stage 4 - Execution. Slowly, Lara Jean let the scene escalate. Her shirt came off, with Peter’s soon to follow. She silently tugged at his jeans, signaling him to take them off.  
“You sure?” Peter broke their kiss to glance at Lara Jean’s face, already knowing the answer from her facial expression. She nodded. Peter unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, slowly pushing them down his legs. Once they were off, Lara Jean pushed his shoulder and got on top of him, positioning herself so Peter’s hands were on her thighs, halfway up her skirt.  
Peter looked up quizzically - “What are you thinking in that head of yours Lara Jean?” he asked - catching on to the conspiracy.  
“Take this off” she whispered, motioning to her skirt. “Yes ma’am” he whispered back breathlessly, quick to find the small zipper on the side. After repositioning herself on top of Peter’s now pronounced erection, Lara Jean faltered. Leaning in to kiss him, she berated herself for returning to the same place that they usually reached. Peter stretched around her to unhook her bra, complementing her as he covered her breasts with his palms - “No one like you Covey” he muttered. Leaning back down to kiss his neck, Lara Jean tried to work up the courage to continue the original plan. Her thumbs tweaked the top of his boxers’ waistband, until she finally murmured quietly - “Off.”  
Peter tilted his head back to search her eyes, taken aback by the development - “yeah?” he verified. Keeping contact with her eyes, he pushed the boxers down. Lara Jean blushed and turned her gaze away. Burying her face in the crook of his neck, Lara Jan asked in a whisper:   
“Can I try something?”. She felt Peter nod his acceptance.   
“Close your eyes” she requested.  
“This better not end in my clothes getting thrown out the window” he joked, doing as she asked.  
Lara Jean bit her lip, and began kissing his neck. And from his neck, she lowered her kisses to his chest, following the trail of hairs directing her mouth lower. Her lips caressed his abs, trailing a dangerous path downwards. She redirected to his right hip, staying there as she baulked - losing some of her nerve when Peter’s body seized in surprise. She waited for him to relax once again before taking a deep breath, and licking a wet path across his member.  
Peter’s eyes flew open as he took in a sharp breath, stuttering - “Lara Jean that’s… You… Um… Wow.”  
Lara Jean took that as a good sign, repeating her ministrations across the hard member. Once she felt that she had reached everywhere she could with her tongue, she gripped his shaft, putting her mouth on the tip. She took more in slowly, testing her ability. She bobbed her head up and down, getting used to the feeling of him in her mouth. She wrapped her fingers around the few inches she couldn’t get to, bobbing them up and down in time with her mouth. Peter’s hands flew to her hair, gathering it up as he muttered tightly, as if in pain, “God, Lara Jean”.  
After a short while Peter was gasping quietly and tried to warn her - “I’m gonna, I’m close, Lara Jean, careful I’m going to…” he trailed off.  
Lara Jean backed away enough for him to replace her hand with his, beating himself quickly, until he finished, thick spurts of ejaculation landing on his chest.  
He finally opened his eyes, looking up at her apologetic. “Sorry,” he said thickly, “I didn’t want to ruin your sheets…” he looked around. “Do you maybe, um, do you have some tissues? Sorry”.  
Lara Jean handed him a box of tissues from her dresser, laughing quietly.  
“You don’t have to apologise for it Peter, that was kind of the point…” she assured him.  
“Oh.” His cheeks reddened slightly, as he tried to wipe up the mess.  
“Do you want me to… Um…”  
“Do I want you to what Peter?”  
“You know… Return the favor?”  
Now her cheeks reddened, as she realised what he was trying to say.  
“Oh! I, um, you could.” She nodded.  
“Do you want to?” she questioned.  
“Well, yeah,” he smiled.   
“Oh. Okay.” her cheeks burned, and she couldn’t meet his gaze.  
“Should I…?”  
“Don’t worry Covey, just let me take care of you.”  
Relieved, she nodded and leant back onto her pillows.


End file.
